Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
