wake up i wanna do it froggy style
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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