it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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