i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize