I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
