i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How does one acquire holy water?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
