dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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