look no pants
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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