More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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