Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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