last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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