We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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