I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
