i just sent this text using only my big toe
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
