It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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