Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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