I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
