Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
