we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
