i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
