We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
