Welp...herpes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize