He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's blow job season.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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