Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
