I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
