i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
