I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
