Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
