Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
