I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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