I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
