I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
