We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
