ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You are the jesus of drinking
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
