Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
