the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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