you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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