Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize