you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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