Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize