i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
