I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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