I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
