Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
