Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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