those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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