I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
