every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
