The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
