I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
