thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
