i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
