The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
