i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
