If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
