Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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