my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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