It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize