im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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