Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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