Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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