hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
