i don't plan on having that self control this summer
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
