question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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