i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
