so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
