it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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