so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
