My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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