So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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