I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
