Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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