someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I am naked and annoyed.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
