She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
