I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
