Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize