He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
