maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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