Buhtt sex?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
