I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
