Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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