god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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