Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
