I like my sex mixed with concussions.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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