I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
