I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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