I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
