Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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