he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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