Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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