I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
