she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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