You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
