I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
