ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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