I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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