she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
