I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize