whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
why do cheetos always look like penises
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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