There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
