So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
