You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
