What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize