Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
